Making Amends
by Lost Lantean
Summary: Set after 'So Long Cruel World' Jeremy finds that death isn't the end he'd thought it would be and tried to set things right with Aelita.


Aelita's eyes, red and puffy from her crying, opened to take in what little light there was in her dark room. The night air seemed quieter and calmer than normal and there was something strange about it. Slowly rising out of bed and sitting up, she looked around to see nothing. Upon finishing her sweep of the room though, she felt a sudden chill and noticed an unfocused form in the corner. Her heart began to pound in fright as the figure took shape, her mind flashing back to images of a long defeated foe. But as the shadowy figure moved closer and took a more definite shape Aelita felt her breathing calm even as fresh tears welled into her eyes. Before her stood Jeremy, his ethereal form seeming airy and insubstantial.

Smiling very sadly, Jeremy looked at her quivering form as she wiped her eyes. His own seemed to shine with moisture as well though he made no attempt to wipe at them. His gaze lingered on her neck as if he could see something there but that wasn't the real reason. Honestly, he was afraid to look her in the face, afraid of both what he'd find and what she'd be able to see. But he had to go through with this for both their sakes and forced his gaze upwards to meet her eyes. The pain she felt was as real as what he'd felt, that was evident even without looking.

But in the depth of her moist green eyes there was unimaginable guilt and Jeremy had to stop himself from staggering back under the emotional torrent that his new form allowed him to feel as well as see. The pain of her loss prickled at his 'skin' or whatever passed for it. In the cold light of Aelita's emotions he could see just how selfish he'd been in withdrawing, lashing out and finally committing suicide. None of it had been what she had intended and all of that weight now fell on her shoulders. Shaking his head in disbelief he tried to form words, none of which would ever undo what was done but nonetheless needed to be said.

Aelita studied the familiar presence that couldn't be here yet was. The boy she'd once trusted to show all of her scars, whose shoulder she'd cried on and whose company she had come to love and enjoy. Reflected in his face was the emotion she felt. But also there was his own, unique feelings though how she could understand that was a mystery. His soul seemed to have pieces missing, glowing like small orbs around her. But she saw in the holes dark growths, the missing trust and confidence to fill the voids with something real. What he hadn't been ready to deal with was trusting another. Between what he had given of himself and his fear of losing so much of again he'd lost the will to continue.

Worse still, she could feel his guilt and knew some of it came from her. She had thought it would be easier if she simply left his life, that the sudden loss and absolute silence would somehow make their separation more bearable. If not that, she at least hoped that the cold cutoff would somehow cauterize the wound and allow him some solace in maybe hating her. And somehow, though not a word was spoken, she knew he had tried to take that route. The memory flowed out as the guilt she now felt pouring off of him.

Having recovered somewhat from the flood of emotion that his arrival brought, both Jeremy and Aelita stood staring at one another. Ghost and human watched, each wishing for one final embrace that couldn't be. Finally gathering herself enough to form words Aelita broke eye contact and whispered "I'm sorry. I..."

"Shhhhh" Jeremy whispered, "this isn't the way either of us wanted this to end." He shook his head sorrowfully, "but we don't always get what we want." With another step towards Aelita's bed he continued "and it's I who should apologize, for putting you through so much and not understanding why you had to leave."

"Jeremy" Aelita admonished but found herself unable to continue. In a way she could consider this all her fault, her mistake that led to an unacceptably high likelihood of being found out as a person of interest in the Carthage project. But at the same time, his need of companionship let him ignore the risks he should have spotted, leading to the event that compromised her fabricated identity. She could feel his eyes on the bruises she had endured for him and wished he couldn't see them. Needing to change the subject before it came up, she looked up at the ceiling and asked hesitantly, "how did you get here?"

Jeremy closed his eyes, took what sounded like a deep breath and answered her in a soft voice. "When I died I was every bit as lost as I was while alive. My spirit wandered, seemingly trapped on earth by everything you felt. But there wasn't just me out there, an angel saw me wandering aimlessly in the moonlight one night and reached out. She asked what had happened and I hesitated to explain. But she was friendly and patient, allowing me to explain in my own time." Jeremy paused and smiled, still sad but with the flicker of hope. "She helped guide me to understanding how this affected not just me but you. What you were going through, I knew sort of but... It's not the same as understanding."

Aelita ignored the sensation of the tears falling down her cheeks as she listened to Jeremy speak and nodded as he spoke the last line. She smiled at him, conveying that it was ok for him to continue.

Looking up and away for a moment, Jeremy turned his attention back to Aelita. "I'll have to go shortly. I just couldn't leave things the way they were." Squeezing his eyes closed he looked away, ashamed of himself. "You've endured enough over me and I'm sorry our mistake caused you such pain. But I don't regret our friendship, or the love we were able to share in our time together."

Aelita fought back the urge to lunge at Jeremy's spirit and hug him close, knowing it would only end with a loud thump and her lying on the floor. Instead she reached towards him, hoping to have any sort of positive effect on his being. She felt chills as his immaterial hand brushed through hers and looked up and into his face. He had opened his eyes and she saw that there really was hope there. A blossom of happy sadness formed within her, the conflicting emotions seeming strangely at peace with each other.

Jeremy smiled knowingly, "Live well my beautiful warrior, wear your crown of flowers proudly and remember that despite everything I still love you, will still consider you family even as we go our separate ways." With that he turned to walk away, his presence fading away with every step. Just before he was gone entirely the air seemed to whisper, "If you ever need me, you know where to look. But this is the last time I can contact you directly."

Aelita sat in her bed, staring somewhat blankly at the wall Jeremy had been headed towards when he vanished from site. She knew it hadn't been a dream and smiled as she finally managed to lie her head on the pillow. She might still worry and she hadn't lost all of her guilt over what had happened still, she felt better now and knew that Jeremy did as well.

* * *

AN: To those of you who requested a sequel to 'So Long Cruel World' this is it and I apologize for not giving anything more than the most vague hints of what happened to separate Jeremy and Aelita but that'll simply have to remain as a plot hole.

Dedicated to Commando Wolf who was too good a friend to leave with just what was said in "So long Cruel World". I hope you can forgive me over 'So Long Cruel World' and also that you know I mean what's written above.


End file.
